


kira, or nerys, or both, or neither

by impatienscapensis



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, I eat canon for breakfast, mild cw for mentions of Kira’s backstory, traditional bajorans are...kinda home of phobic in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 17:38:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatienscapensis/pseuds/impatienscapensis
Summary: Kira has some very confusing emotions. Jadzia is tall and very pretty.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	kira, or nerys, or both, or neither

**Author's Note:**

> icb ‘friends w benefits to lovers’ didnt show up as a tag

It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. 

Kira will knock on Jadzia’s door, sometimes exhausted, sometimes buzzed, sometimes a little drunk, sometimes all three, and Jadzia will let her in. The doors will close, and Jadzia will whisper  _ Kira,  _ or  _ Nerys _ , or both, or neither, and her husky tone will weaken Kira’s knees. She’ll lean forwards, tugging at Jadzia’s zipper, asking  _ is this okay, are you okay, are you sure _ ? And Jadzia will say, in that too-tender voice of hers  _ yes, yes, yes _ . 

And Kira will take her, press kisses to her spots, rest her head over the symbiont in Jadzia’s abdomen, and make the gentle, stoic Jadzia fall to pieces under her hand, or tongue, or knee. She’ll be not exactly rough, but not soft, either. Determined and quick. And Jadzia will cry out, and Kira will just watch her shining eyes and blown pupils, her heavy breathing and her sweat, as she recovers herself, and asks  _ again, again, again.  _

Or Jadzia will take Kira, take her with a tenderness Kira didn’t know was possible. She’ll look down on Kira’s wartorn body, without the _hunger _that lingers in Kira’s eyes when she looks at Jadzia, only wonder and fascination and a twinkle. She knows which old wounds to tend to, which ones to lavish kisses upon and trace with gentle fingers, which ones to avoid, which ones not to touch. Jadzia spends so much time doting on her, saying _Nerys, you look more beautiful than anything in this light_, or _Kira, I want to kiss you now_, or terms of affection in languages Kira can’t understand, but her _voice. _Kira begs for her to finally take her, really, and Jadzia will take her time, going slow, until Kira Nerys is crumbled before her. 

Sometimes Kira shows up with dark circles, red eyes, crusted tears, and Jadzia will try to ask what’s wrong, but Kira says  _ not tonight,  _ or  _ tomorrow _ , or  _ in the morning.  _ Kira says  _ make me forget _ , or  _ let me forget _ , or  _ Jadzia, I need you _ . And she does forget. Jadzia has a talent for making her forget everything but the moment. 

The one time Jadzia had asked for relief from history, Kira had kissed her tears off her face, drank them hungrily. Told her a story as she pressed Jadzia against a wall and made her forget again and again. 

-/-\\-

It is one of those nights, Kira smothering her emotions in Jadzia, trying to forget, when Jadzia looks at her, and Kira may as well have forgotten her own name, with how deep and warm those studious eyes are.  _ Are you okay? _ Jadzia murmurs, and it's all Kira can do to just nod. 

It is one of those nights, Kira's arms wrapped around Dax's shaking form, watching the joy she's brought to her show on her face, and something twists right up in her throat. She ignores it, but as she takes in Jadzia's smile, it overwhelms her. 

It is one of those nights, Kira lazily draped over Jadzia, counting her spots with the trace of her finger, laughing as spot number one hundred and thirty seven elicits a jump and a giggle from Jadzia. As Kira files that information away for later, Jadzia tickles her, with a tiny roar, and Kira feels something so good and slow and sweet that she just might have to launch a counter-attack. 

It is one of those nights, where Kira lays awake in the starlight from Jadzia’s window, Jadzia warm and soft around her, and ponders what the strange warmth in her abdomen could mean. 

-/-\\-

“Julian, I don’t know what to do. I love her. I love her so much I didn’t know what love  _ was  _ before her, I just let whoever liked me love me, whoever wanted to love me could, and I convinced myself I just didn’t feel anything, but I did, just not to them. .” Kira throws her hands up, uselessly, pacing in front of Bashir’s desk.

“Ah,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “You caught feelings.”

Kira lets out an  _ arrgh _ , not necessarily directed at Julian, just at the universe in general. “It’s not just that! Now I don’t know what to think. Bajorans are all traditional, we’re not supposed to feel like this for other women, we  _ can’t.  _ It’s not real, for us, they say it’s lesser, it’s not love _ . _ ”

“Kira,” Bashir says, “The Bajorans are wrong.”

“I guess you’re right.” She looks at his warm, dorky smile, and she thinks about how young he is. A sheltered kid. “I know it’s fine to, you know, but I just-” She stops, sighing. “I never thought it would be me. I mean, I never believed all the stuff they said about it being some imitation of love, and no one really cared in the Resistance, but I never thought…” 

“I know it must be a bit of a shock to you. But it’s okay, I promise.” He smiles. “If you ever need to talk to someone about this, I’ll be happy to.”

“Thanks, Julian,” she manages, closing her eyes and stiffening up in preparation of leaving.

“Just out of curiosity, this wouldn’t happen to be one Jadzia Dax your eye has fallen upon, would it?” Julian says, glancing nonchalantly at a tablet. 

Kira sputters for a moment, her cheeks turning red. “Why — what makes you say that?” she squeaks, tightening her hands behind her back until her knuckles turn white. 

“Jadzia came to me this morning with an almost  _ identical _ situation. Isn’t that funny? What a  _ strange  _ coincidence.” He leans forward, scanning Kira with suspicious eyes and an even bigger grin. “She loves you, Kira.”

Kira’s emotions bubble, and she’s not sure what to do or say in response, so she weakly nods and walks out, digging her fingernails into her wrist. 

-/-\\-

Kira’s knock on Jadzia’s door is sharp, and she immediately regrets how angry it sounds. Jadzia opens the door anyway, and she smiles at her, reaching out to rub her shoulder. 

“Come in, Nerys,” Jadzia says, her warm eyes shining, and Kira just about faints with that little smirk. 

“I wanted to talk. To you,” Kira says, as she steps into Jadzia’s quarters and follows her to the elliptical window. The same familiar stars twinkle, and Kira tries not to think about her bare back pressed against the cool glass, Jadzia’s lips along her jawline. 

“Oh? What about?” Jadzia leans against the frame, half-sitting, the back of her head to the window. 

“I...I don’t know how to say this,” Kira says, stretching her arms down against each other and bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking up. 

“Do I make you feel?” Jadzia asks, running her fingers along the smooth frame.

Kira bites her tongue and nods. “That’s an apt way of putting it.”

Jadzia dismounts from the windowsill, perfectly poised and graceful, and swoops over to trace Kira’s jaw with her finger, sending warmth all through Kira’s body. “How do you feel when I do that?”

“I feel...happy,” Kira responds, her throat dry. 

“What about…” Jadzia trails her finger to Kira’s chin, pressing her thumb to Kira’s bottom lip and parting her mouth, just a little. “...now?”

“Well, uh, now I’m...full of anticipation,” Kira offers, her hands skirting Dax’s arms. 

Jadzia dips down for a kiss, and Kira obliges, her hands on Dax’s shoulders, her thumbs rubbing against her collarbones. Jadzia bites gently at Kira’s bottom lip, her fingers following the outer curve of her ears, and Kira can’t help but let out a little ‘ _ ah! _ ’. Jadzia chuckles and breaks the kiss, pressing her forehead to Kira’s. 

“How about now?” Jadzia whispers, and Kira’s voice hooks in her throat. 

“Now...I feel good. I feel excited. I feel…” Kira tries to explain. “No, that doesn’t do it  _ justice _ . It feels...I mean, being with you...it’s like...it’s like all the things I didn’t feel for a long time. I feel safe and warm and content and, Jadzia, I feel  _ happy _ .” She looks up at Dax’s closed eyes and loose strands of hair, and smiles to herself. 

Jadzia gives her a slightly watery-eyed grin, squeezing the other woman’s biceps. “I love you too, Nerys,” she murmurs, and Kira laughs, just a little, stroking the spots on Jadzia’s neck. “You’ve had a hard life. You  _ deserve _ something that makes you feel happy.”

“You’re making me sentimental,” Kira sniffles, tearing up at the care of that simple statement, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. Jadzia coos, gently, before wrapping Kira in a thick, warm hug. Kira coughs, her arms settling around Jadzia’s waist. 

“Sorry, Nerys,” Jadzia says, smiling. 

“I’m not... _ used  _ to loving someone. I thought...I mean, I thought I just couldn’t trust enough. Chalked it all up to some trauma fuckery. Couldn’t love when you were starving and cold and waiting for a Cardassian to torture you until your body gave out.” Kira bites back a sob, this thing she’s said hundreds of times feeling barbed in her mouth. 

Jadzia’s hand goes to stroke the hair at the base of Kira’s neck, rubbing against the short strands. “I’m sorry,” she says, simply. 

“Did I ever tell you about when I cut my hair, Jadzia?” Kira mumbles, into the side of Jadzia’s neck, trying to change the subject. 

“Mm, I don’t think you have,” Jadzia responds, leaning against the windowsill. Kira lets her hand drift to Jadzia’s ribs. 

“Well, I’d gotten furious with my old hair. Too impractical for running around,” Kira murmurs, punctuating her words with kisses to Jadzia’s neck and jaw. 

“I can see how that would happen,” Jadzia gasps, Kira’s fingers sliding across the tender skin of her stomach. 

“I sat by the coals one night and cut it in the pitch black. It turned out  _ terrible. _ ” Kira’s kisses drift up to Dax’s cheek, eliciting a slight shiver. 

“Of course,” Jadzia says, leaning farther back at Kira’s insistence. 

“And then I had to recruit this old man to fix it up for me,” Kira whispers, her lips finally trailing to Jadzia’s. 

Kira laughs a little into the kiss, their foreheads knocking together, a giddy expression on both their faces as they stumble around Jadzia’s quarters, and contemplate how lucky they are to have each other. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
